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DARRIN'S STORY OF HOPE
WHICH WOLF DO YOU FEED?
A grandfather once told his grandson a tale about life
"A fight is going on inside me. It is a fight between two wolves.
One is evil – he is angry, jealous, greedy and full of pride.
The other is good – he is joyful, humble, patient, kind and full of compassion.
The same fight goes on inside you, and inside every other person too.”
The grandson pondered on what he had just heard, and asked:
“Which wolf will win?”
The grandfather simply replied:
“The one you feed.”
- Author Unknown -
My Struggle - Feeding the WolfFeeding the bad wolf started when I was on the school playground in 6th grade. An adult magazine floated across on the wind, and of course those 6th grade boys caught it and passed it around. Later in my teens and 20s I started to develop two lives. An outward-facing life that family, friends, and co-workers knew and a compartmentalized life that sought relief and pressure from the stresses of everyday life. For decades, I kept feeding the evil wolf but kept him hidden in a compartmentalized life. I looked great on the outside, but I was losing a battle of wills inside. I thought I was all alone in this struggle and that no one else could ever understand what I was going through.
Hitting Rock BottomWhen I hit rock bottom, I told my wife everything about my compartmentalized life. I was sure our marriage was over and I would lose her, my family, and all my friends. The shame and guilt was unbearable. I felt alone and lost. As my life crashed around me, the only word I had to hang on to was "HOPE ." Hope in my recovery, hope for my marriage. Hope that my friends and family would not abandon me. Hope that my downward spiral had finally stopped and I could begin to live a life free from acting out.
Hope & RecoveryAfter starting counseling, a support group, and a 12 step program, things started to improve. I began to feed the good wolf way more than the evil one. During this time, I realized I had a huge "Trust" issue, and that lack of trust started with me really not trusting God, let alone anyone else in my life. This lack of trust forced me to try to control everything. When anything went wrong, my evil wolf demanded to be fed. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I am now a much better man, husband, and father than I have ever been before. My marriage is stronger than it ever has been before. My relationships are stronger than ever before. I am a better man than ever before. By the grace of God I am a recovering addict.
You are not aloneGuys sometime for us the guilt and shame can be crushing. If you’re like a lot of guys, you have been told your whole life to be a man, grow up, just do it, just stop it, get’er done, and even just grow a pair. However, those festering doubts in your brain are holding you back. Let's find your way out. You are not alone and other guys have been able to work through their shame and guilt, and have a better life. Lets talk and know that you are not alone. For Teens, lets come up with some plans and actions to keep that evil wolf at bay. For couples, it was a struggle, but we got through it. Lets come up with some plan and actions to help you improve your relationship. Men, I really want you to have every opportunity to become a healthy male and live your best life. Become a man of integrity.
As a recovering addict, I am looking forward to helping you find those next steps in life. My life and recovery experiences and hard-learned lessons can help you on your path.